If you are short tempered, you tend to react to everything. This can sometimes be hurtful to others, as well as yourself. Things said in anger can not be taken back - just like an arrow shot from the bow can not return - and it leaves a hole in the heart of the person who was hit by that arrow.

Its very important to control this extremely fragile emotion: Anger.

Like every other emotion of happiness, sorrow, pain or ecstasy, Anger is also generated from within yourself. The reason for this anger could be within yourself, or external. Sometimes, its a combination of both, external and internal reasons.

You need to understand why you are getting angry, or at what/whom are you getting angry. If you are going to stay in “Angry state”, you won’t be able to do any good. I remember when my parents, my husband and I went to San Francisco. We were at the Golden Gate Bridge, when something happened and I got angry because of that. Our whole day was ruined. I said something i shouldn’t have said. I cried. My husband, Parents, everyone felt bad. We couldn’t enjoy the trip and the whole evening was wasted too.

If only, i could’ve controlled my anger, that evening would have been much better, and memorable in a good sense.

Why was a Angry? The reason for my anger was something that my husband did, and on top of that my mother supported him - that made me more angry. I stayed angry, and tension stayed among all of us for the day.

I will share with you what i learnt from this single incident, and hopefully it will help you too.

Here are some steps you can use to control your temper:
1. As soon as you feel you are getting angry, change your state. I know it sounds easy, but its tough to do. You need to know right then and there - as soon as you feel like getting angry - and change your state of “temper” to “calmness”.
2. Find the reason why you are getting angry. Is it your own perspective of what happens around you? or is it really the other person’s mistake? In both cases, solve the issue instead of keeping it inside. If its actually your own issue, try to change/correct your perspective. If its the other person, let them know - calmly - how you feel. Hopefully, they won’t do it again.

In my example, i didn’t do the first thing, so i got angry and stayed angry. But after i realized that, i did the second thing. The reason for my temper was my husband’s action, and my mom’s action, so I told them very calmly, what they did was wrong. How it hurt me/affected me. After that, they understood. Closing the case is very important, or it will come after you every now and then.

I can say that these are the ONLY 2 steps needed to get control over your anger.
(1) Change your state
(2) Find the reason for anger, and fix it…or atleast try to fix it.

Let me know how this works for you. Happy Valentine’s Day, Happy married life ahead!

Really. 80% of the complaints i receive are about the mothers-in-law. There are an occasional mother-in-law complaining about the bahu (daughter-in-law) too, but then most of them are not the visitors on my blog so i don’t hear much from them.

Anyways long story short, here are the common complaints i hear from my visitors- do you have the same feelings?

1. My Mother-in-law wants to control my husband.
2. my mother-in-law always says bad things about my family.
3. Since i got married, my in-laws haven’t given me any gift- but they are always ready to take what i received from my family.
4. Whenever i ask permission to do something i want i am not allowed to do that thing.
5. My in-laws will complain about me to my husband and that too behind my back.
6. I am never asked to be part of any decision making in the family.
7. All my in-laws want from me is a boy to continue the family’s name.
8. If i goto my mother’s place, i can not stay for more than a couple of days. I have to always fight for that.
9. My mother-in-law doesn’t think i am a good cook. She always finds fault in my cooking.
10. I am not allowed to talk infront of the elders - even if they have no objection and talk to me as friends.

The List goes on and on and on - but the issue is the same and its a story of every (mostly middle class) families in India. Whether they are a joint family or a nuclear family - i have heard the same things from every person in my circle. The extent of the issues vary from extreme to compromisable - but its still an issue.

What do we do in such scenarios? Well the answer is depends. seriously, it all depends on your nature, the nature of your in-laws and most importantly the relationship and understanding you have with your husband.

If your husband trusts you and he knows how to differentiate between right and wrong, then its easy to resolve this problems. Sometimes you have to compromise but then he should know that you did it for him because otherwise you have no reason to respect his mom.

Another important thing is your family’s teachings. I am glad my mother taught me to stay calm in every situation and make a intelligent decision instead of an emotional reaction. If you are emotional, it may not help - but you have to resolve issues with love and harmony, after all its your family !

Have fun resolving conflicts, and i certainly hope that my blog will help in resolving your family issues, marital issues and problems.

Take care!

Marriage is like a cart with two wheels. If one wheel is stuck, so is the cart. You can not move further no matter how much you struggle. There must be a balance. A balance diet is very common, but have you heard of a balanced marriage?

I bet you have, but may be you don’t really know how to have a balanced marriage and happy married life. Well, here i am sharing some tips for a balanced marriage..learn the ropes and pretty soon you will have a fulfilling and rewarding life.

1. For a balanced diet, first you need to understand your body and your metabolism. Similarily for a balanced marriage you need to understand the emotions, behaviour and nature of your life partner. If you don’t know what your body wants, you can not keep it well.  So is the case with the significant half - if you dont know what turns them on, what makes them smile, or what makes them furious, you are always going to be in trouble no matter what. Try to know more and more about your partner and believe me, it will make your life a lot easier.

Need a hint? Try Linda Goodmans Sun Signs or Love Signs book - Linda Goodman’s Love Signs: A New Approach to the Human Heart - to know more about the nature, emotional behaviour, likes and dislikes of your partner and loved ones.

2. When you are on a balanced diet and you accidently eat more what do you do? you make up with extra exercise. Do the same in your relationship. If you make a mistake, be open and ready to admit it. Say sorry, fix the mistake if possible, and move on. Life is too short to fight on small issues like this.

Though, this is just a piece of some humor that may make you rethink your decision of marrying - or if not that, then atleast marrying the right guy/gal.

Here goes… Why You Should Stay Single:

• I’ll start with the bathroom. There are no unwanted hairs in the bathroom that did not orignate from your body.
• You are not obliged to share your toothbrush/shampoo/shaving cream/razor with anyone.
• Only you leave your wet towel on the floor. This is fine for you to do. It’s your bathroom.
• There’s not an argument everytime you go out to dinner. You pay for yourself.
• (Female) You don’t have to shave your legs if you don’t want to. (Unless you’re on the prowl)
• (Male) You can leave the toilet seat up.
• Dinner with your parents isn’t as painful as it could potentially be.
• You have your blankets all to yourself.
• You can dance when you go out, you don’t have to sit down next to Mr/Miss I-Don’t-Dance, while all your friends have fun cutting loose (footloose)
• Things are where you put them. Not where someone else thought it would be better suited.
• Waxing is optional. Not strongly suggested.
• You don’t not get invited places because the inviter doesn’t want men/women there. It’s a girls/boys night, sorry.
• You can have friends of the opposite sex, without worrying about a jealous partner.
• You don’t need to travel between houses often (you save petrol)
• You get to drink without anyone telling you to stop
• You get to have your own personal dream
• You don’t have to make anything “work”
• No guilt of hurting anyone
• You can have long baths without anyone interrupting you.
• You don’t have someone calling to say “You didn’t call me…”
• You can be selfish

Are/ Were they not daughters, sister and daughter-in-law themselves before they became mother-in-law ?

There are so many question come to our mind when we think about or talk about this “Mother-in-law” topic….every alternate girl I met or I meet have same story, same question, same problems….but nobody has a perfect or permanent sloution…If any adjustment has to be done it has to be done by a Daughter-in-law and she is the only one person who has to change her likes and dislikes. When a girl gets married and comes into her new home, the mother in law will teach her about how the things are done in their homes…how to cook, how to talk,how to sit, how to wear and what to wear..

If someting is suggested by a daughter-in-Law or if she has a good idea for doing something in a good way, a mother in law will always command.

If a mother-in-law is doing something she will never ask to her Daughter-in-law that she is planning even she wont ler her know but on the other hand if she (daughter-in-law) has to do somethng, she has to ask her, she has to take her permission…most of the time a mother-in-law tries to be good, soft, loving and caring for a daughter-in-law in front of her son but on his back she will be rude.

Does this happen to you to? Well, here is the solution. Most of the friends i know, use this when they have such problem and 90% times, the results are good.

- IF your mother-in-law is like the one i mentioned above, try to learn her language. The better you understand her, the better your chances of getting along. If you answer in the way she expects, even if you didn’t want to, chances are that you will get your way. If you want to ask for something and not being allowed to do so, try the tactic that will align to her way of doing things and you will have a great and happy relationship with your mother-in-law.

Have fun!

One thing is for sure- in any marriage the biggest and never ending Dilemma for a husband is this: Is my Mom right, or my Wife?

They can not be biased. They have no where to go but to think, and always have to be on their feet before they can say anything wrong to their mom or their wife.

Why can’t they decide? Well there are so many reasons in my opinion.

First of all, men love their wife and mom very much. And because they love them, they can not hurt them.
Secondly, they are scared of both. YES. Thats right. Men are equally (mostly) scared of Wife and Mom both.
Third, and most important one, Men generally don’t care. They take these things for granted, and wish that all will be fine one day.

But it doesn’t. And as long as they dont understand this, it never gets better. So, what should the husband do?

Well a husband who is in such a dilemma about mom and wife should be very candid. He should be open - in his thoughts and in his talks - so there is no confusion on both ends and all issues, big or small can be easily resolved among the three of them.

Sometimes, mom are stubborn; Sometimes wives are adamant. So what? Both have some right and some wrong points. Most of the differences a mom and wife have are either because of a generation gap, their beliefs, the way they have been brought up, or simply their ego.

First of all, to help your mom and wife resolve a issue, you have to subordinate your ego. If you are able to do that, next steps are easy. Then, talk to both of them and listen to each of their points- why they are saying so? What is their reasoning? How do they feel? And then, without being emotional- take a rational, sincere and intelligent decision. Communication is very important. At one point or other one will feel that you are being biased, but dont let emotion come in between. Resolve the issues with love and care…and i know your dilemma will be solved.

To a better future…..

Many of my friends have problems with financial planning or money issues when it comes to their married life. Most of them have one working person families; in some cases both of them work. But still, the story is quite similar.

Why do we keep things which are less important on highest priority? Why money sucks out the life out of a relationship?

Whatever it may be, it sure does create lot of tension and confusion in life - specially married life. The generation gap between husband-wife and their in-laws; The age difference between a husband and a wife; Difference of opinion and thinking of husband and wife; Habits, Actions and lifestyle…All of these makes life a little complex.

How easy will it be if we all could get along well? But thats not how it works..someone, sometimes has to sacrifice or compromise to make the marriage work.

Most of the times its the girl who has to compromise. But do guys reciprocate?

I think they do. The problem is they are still not sure which way to go. I understand if they say that their mother is important for them than the wife; but they should also understand that the wife is one who left their friends and family to come all the way with their husband. He still has his family with him, and the wife. But for her, the only one close enough is him. If the husband is not supportive, it can get really tough for the girl.

Sometimes, we have to understand the differences, sure we are from two different worlds - men are from mars and women are from venus- but we have to keep the differences apart and build a bridge to connect the dots and make sure the married life is the dreamlife you always thought of. Its in your hands - and as any big commitment, marriage does take lot of efforts, love, nurturing and enthusiasm.

Are you up for it?

I know most of us struggle with this question before and after our marriage - probably our whole life. I love my mother, father, my brother and my little nieces very much. But i am sitting here, thousands of miles away from them, thinking of them, missing them. Whats my choice?

Well the only one that i can think of is to call them as many times as i can, talk to them whenever i can, have fun with those little angels as much as i can. That boosts my momentum. Talking to my mom alone gives me the energy to go by whole day. Sometimes i do get all tensed and need someone other than my husband to share my feelings with; and when my other friends are busy, i reach my best friend for a little chat - my mom. She is truly my best friend, and i know if you are like me, your mom is your best friend too.

What is with Mom’s that makes them so special? Day after tomorrow is mother’s day, and here i am, in the USA, sending my wishes to my special mom who is in India. Love you Mamma! Happy Mothers Day!

Mothers teach us to live our life. My mom has always been my guiding star. Many decision i have taken in my life just because my mom was besides me. Sometimes, we do make mistakes, but its always good to have someone with us who is there no matter what. My mom has always been that person. I am always happy to share anything with her, because she is happy to hear me. She loves my smile, and i love to make her smile!

To all the special mothers out there who make this world brighter, a happy mothers day!!

Why does a mother-in-law differentiates between their daughter and d-in-law? Even knowing that the daughter will have to go to her home one day and then may be she will be treated the same way.

If all of us just follow the golden rule and do unto others as we would like them to do unto us, wouldn’t this world be a better place. Well, anyways we are not talking about the world here but atleast our home will be the sweetest home that we always dream of.

What can we do to make this differentiation go away? Well i have talked to many of my friends and most of them have felt this same thing. Some of them - lucky ones - have had a better experience. Their mother-in-law treats them just like a daughter, and sometimes even better. Why can’t all mothers-in-laws be like that?

Does it have to do with education? Or ego? Or just a plain simple ignorance of the fact is that someone has left their whole family behind to come and serve you and married into their family. What do you think is the best solution for this? Share you thoughts…