One of my readers Ashwini raised a question about temper/anger control. Sometimes, being short tempred can be a big problem in a family.
If you are short tempered, you tend to react to everything. This can sometimes be hurtful to others, as well as yourself. Things said in anger can not be taken back - just like an arrow shot from the bow can not return - and it leaves a hole in the heart of the person who was hit by that arrow.
Its very important to control this extremely fragile emotion: Anger.
Like every other emotion of happiness, sorrow, pain or ecstasy, Anger is also generated from within yourself. The reason for this anger could be within yourself, or external. Sometimes, its a combination of both, external and internal reasons.
You need to understand why you are getting angry, or at what/whom are you getting angry. If you are going to stay in “Angry state”, you won’t be able to do any good. I remember when my parents, my husband and I went to San Francisco. We were at the Golden Gate Bridge, when something happened and I got angry because of that. Our whole day was ruined. I said something i shouldn’t have said. I cried. My husband, Parents, everyone felt bad. We couldn’t enjoy the trip and the whole evening was wasted too.
If only, i could’ve controlled my anger, that evening would have been much better, and memorable in a good sense.
Why was a Angry? The reason for my anger was something that my husband did, and on top of that my mother supported him - that made me more angry. I stayed angry, and tension stayed among all of us for the day.
I will share with you what i learnt from this single incident, and hopefully it will help you too.
Here are some steps you can use to control your temper:
1. As soon as you feel you are getting angry, change your state. I know it sounds easy, but its tough to do. You need to know right then and there - as soon as you feel like getting angry - and change your state of “temper” to “calmness”.
2. Find the reason why you are getting angry. Is it your own perspective of what happens around you? or is it really the other person’s mistake? In both cases, solve the issue instead of keeping it inside. If its actually your own issue, try to change/correct your perspective. If its the other person, let them know - calmly - how you feel. Hopefully, they won’t do it again.
In my example, i didn’t do the first thing, so i got angry and stayed angry. But after i realized that, i did the second thing. The reason for my temper was my husband’s action, and my mom’s action, so I told them very calmly, what they did was wrong. How it hurt me/affected me. After that, they understood. Closing the case is very important, or it will come after you every now and then.
I can say that these are the ONLY 2 steps needed to get control over your anger.
(1) Change your state
(2) Find the reason for anger, and fix it…or atleast try to fix it.
Let me know how this works for you. Happy Valentine’s Day, Happy married life ahead!
Tags: anger in marriage, anger management, angry marriage, how to control your anger, married life, valentines' day
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.